Change

It is inevitable, but to be honest I really suck at it. I am an anxious person by nature and the more things that remain constant in my life, the better I can handle stressful situations.  I still remember the visit to my midwife, when I was pregnant with Nate, where she told me it was possible I could be delivered by any of the doctors in the practice. I instantly felt the blood drain from my face and my chest tighten. I'm sure this must just be common knowledge to most, but I didn't realize it was even remotely possible until that moment. She must have seen the intense look of panic wave over me because she agreed to special me and gave me a slip that guaranteed her to be there for my delivery. I am convinced that, because I had that one constant, one factor I could count on in the unknown of my first child birth, I was able to make it through with a natural birth.

After Nate was born, I found myself in this anxious state again trying to figure out who would care for him when I went back to work. I toured several big day cares, which made me even more nervous. I knew that wasn't what was right for him, or me. The thought of one person caring for 4 infants at a time baffled me. What if one was crying, or hungry, or dirty what about the other 3?? I didn't want my baby to be sitting in a bouncy seat all day because there wasn't enough one on one care for him. I was relieved to find a home day care situation for him. She cared for her twin boys who were almost 2 and my friend's infant who was 4 months older than Nate and him. It has been a great fit from the start. Nate had sleeping issues, she was able to spend the time with him to work through them. She'd carry him around in a carrier when he was having a clingy day. He got his own room to sleep in and became a wonderful sleeper. He has been there since he was 3 months old. He is know 3 years and 3 months old.

I have been toying with the idea of pre-school. He is such a smart kid but, if left to his own devices, is a bit on the wild side. I'm starting to believe that he really needs the more rigid structure that a school setting provides. I talked to him about it and he seems really excited to "go to school", so why am I so freaked out? Why does it make my stomach churn to think about moving him? I toured 2 schools and the curriculum seems awesome, they are close to my work, they even have infant care if I want to move the baby at some point too. I can't pull the trigger.

The nap time and environment is different, what if he doesn't sleep well?

He's been with his care giver for 3 years, what if he has a hard time adjusting?

What if the 1:8 ratio is too may kids to teachers and he doesn't get enough attention?

Will he make new friends or feel lonely at a new place?

I can't help but wonder in all of my worrying, if it is really concern for him or my inability to handle change that is holding me back.