Birthday Memories

Week 4 in the Me before Mom series asks: How did you celebrate your birthday? Do you have a favorite celebration? Worst? From the cake to the presents to the guests, invite us in to the party.

I don't remember too many big birthdays when I was a kid, so the parties I did have really stand out in my mind. I think my favorite birthday was when I turned 6. My birthday is a few days before Halloween so we had a costume party. My mom found a prom dress at Good Will and, using her mad sewing skills, turned it into a pint sized gown. We were really into country music so I was a salon girl and my brother was a cowboy. I don't just remember the party from the photos. I have vivid memories of bits and pieces of it. We lived in a condo complex and we split up into 2 groups and went on a scavenger hunt. Then we had cake and all the girls stayed for a sleep over.

 

Ahh, the 80's and my mom's feathered hair. Good times. I loved this party. It still makes me warm and fuzzy thinking about it. My pretty costume and my first sleepover will never be forgotten.  

Of course many a birthday passed after that one. There was the birthday in 3rd grade when I got in trouble at school for lying and my party got cancelled. Fast forward to 6th grade and me and my best friend got to go to a New Kids on the Block concert as my present.

Jump 9 more years to my "Not-so-sweet 16" and you can call that my worst birthday on record. In a nut shell, I got a powder blue, '67 rag top, VW bug. I took the day off of school to get my drivers license. I went to school only for my first class, in which I had a test, and then I left. I made an off-hand comment to a teammate on the volleyball team about missing practice, which she told my coach and got me kicked off of the team. My mom had planned a surprise party so, to get me out of the house, my boyfriend and I took my new, old VW and went to dinner at the Olive Garden. On the way home my car died going up a hill and I couldn't get it started. A cop had to block traffic the other way, we pushed the car so it was going downhill and had to pop the clutch to get it going. By now, my awful day had me in tears. We manage to get home and I walk into the party. "SURPRISE" is right, the girl who got me kicked off of the team is at my party. Long story short. Suckiest birthday ever, made worse by the fact that I was a dramatic teenager.

5 years later, I turned 21 in the city where everyone should turn 21, Las Vegas! A bunch of my friends from work decided to drive up with us, so we were rolling 10 deep in the casino. I was so sassy with my burgundy bob! I can't remember how many shots I ingested, exactly, but I managed to not get sick. I wish I could say the same for my friend who puked at the Black Jack table. I was so mortified that we grabbed our chips and cashed out! I did win $250 bucks on a slot machine and was the star of a song at the NY NY dueling piano bar.

 

 

On my 26th birthday, the Red Sox broke the 86 year curse and won the World Series. My hubby is convinced I broke the curse, and who am I to argue with his logic? My 30th birthday was spent watching Coldplay live with my bestie Joelle. I have some fun plans for my 35th birthday so stay tuned! I love birthdays. I think it is like having your own holiday. It is your day, the day you came into the world. I don't think I will ever stop wanting to celebrate or at least acknowledge it, no matter how old I get! 

How comfort food got its name

Week 3 in the Me before Mom series, hosted by Carla at All of Me Now, asks the question:

What was your favorite home cooked meal as a kid? Did you help make it? How did it make you feel? Share the scents, sights, and flavors.

My mom found out she had MS when I was 8 years old. She had to go on disability when it got too difficult for her to work. I think she felt guilty about her illness and how it affected my brother and I. She was the most loving parent and, though we had very little money, she always made sure we had home cooked meals. When we celebrated, we got home baked sweet treats. When we were sad or had a particularly rough day, she would make us our favorite meal. This is probably why I associate food with comfort. It was the one thing she could control when her body would not always cooperate.

My mom put a big focus on us eating dinner as a family. Even though our family was just me, my mother, and my brother, we ate together almost every night. No eating in front of the TV, no distractions, just dinner together where we would talk about our day and things that were going on in our lives. As an adult I look back on our dinners together and am glad she didn't let us chomp mindlessly to some show. I now make that a priority in our house and the only food eaten in front of a TV is on football days!

My mom was originally from Indiana. She grew up with all-American meals and we had much of the same. I can pretty much recite our menu staples: Fried Chicken, Spaghetti with Ragu and garlic bread, Polish sausage (always dipped in a combo of ketchup and mustard) and fried potatoes, Americanized ground beef tacos, and my favorite, meatloaf with mashed potatoes and canned corn. While I try to make healthier, more diverse meals for my family, I still make that meatloaf meal. it is not some fancy multi ingredient meatloaf. It is the recipe on the back of the Lipton onion soup mix and I love it...and so do my kids. The only thing I hated about that meal was the "combo". My brother, like all little brothers, lived to torture me. I was a weirdo special and didn't like my food to touch. My brother knew this and would purposely try to gross me out by making his combos. On meatloaf night a combo would be taking his piece of wheat bread, buttering it, layering on meatloaf, mashed potatoes, corn, and ketchup and making sure I knew how much he was enjoying it as he ate. Bleh. Thankfully, I have moved past my food issues because my kids make combo bites of that meal now, minus the wheat bread.

While times have changed and I have grown up, certain meals can always bring me back to my childhood. I cherish these memories and hope I am building some for my own kids.

A room of my own

This week's installment in the "Me before Mom" series asks the question, "What did your childhood bedroom look like? Give a tour. How did it change as you matured?”

I would love to say I had the same room, in the same house, for all of my childhood, but my reality was quite different. My parents divorced when I was 3 years old, so I always had 2 rooms no matter where we lived. The earliest room I can recall was the one I shared with my brother in our 2 bedroom, light pink house, with the giant stone front porch. We moved in when I was 6 and it was the first house I remember calling home. Our room had light brown, not-long-enough-to-be-called-shag-but-close-enough carpet, a bunk bed in the far left corner, a dresser on the right wall, and a window that looked out to the street, but my favorite space in the room was the closet. The closet was fairly large and all white. When you walked in, it had two rods on the left side for hanging clothes, and a built in dresser with 3 large drawers on the right. There was a small rectangular window high up toward the ceiling and a light with a pull chain. On top of the built-in was the space I would go to dream. It was a little higher than I was tall at the time and I would climb up there every day. I had pillows set up and I would sit in the closet and read or listen to "A Very Merry Unbirthday" on my fisher price record player. That spot is where I memorized my first poem for recitation (The Village Blacksmith, by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, which I still remember) and where I cried when, at 8 years old, my mom found out that she had Multiple Sclerosis.
 

Some other snap shots that I have in my memory of that room were: my mom singing to me and playing with my hair as I fell asleep, sleeping on the bottom bunk because I somehow managed to fall out of the top bunk...and not even wake up, and meeting my maternal grandfather for the first and last time. While I didn't exactly enjoy sharing a room with my brother, I loved our room in that house and was sad to move.

I would have to say that my favorite bedroom growing up was my room throughout high school. My mom let me have the master bedroom in our house after she got tired of my brother and me almost killing each other every day fighting over the bathroom. I had my own bathroom, mirrored closet doors, a pop-out bay window seat, and more crap under my bed than should have been humanly possible. I had moved on from my middle school obsession with The New Kids on the Block, so my posters were removed and the ridiculous neon NKOTB bedspread, that adorned my bed for 3 years, was replaced with a hunter green one with a southwest theme. I had a dream catcher hanging from my ceiling and a framed picture of a Native American girl on one wall and a wolf on the other. My favorite thing about that room was the bay window seat. We lived in the dessert and had frequent electrical storms. I could watch the lightning for hours. I guess when I reflect on my favorite rooms, the thing I liked the best was that both had a special spot to think, read, and just be me.

I had 9 bedrooms from birth to high school graduation. The first (that I can remember) and last were my favorites, and in homes I lived in the longest. I hope my children have fond memories of their bedrooms...and far fewer of them than I did.

How did I get my name?

My friend Carla over at All of Me...now has a wonderful idea. She wants to tell her story to her children. Not just one snapshot in time, but a series of stories to show them who she was before they knew her as "Mom". I love the idea and will be participating in the weekly series. It is important to me that I retain my identity and not just be seen as a mom. I had a full life before I had kids and that didn't disappear once I had my first child. So with out further ado, the first installment of "Me before Mom".

How did you get your name? Did you always love it? Have you ever wanted to change it?

Kameron Louise

From what I've been told, my first name had 2 major influences. My mom's best friend Dean's middle name was Cameron, and then there was a dancer on American Bandstand named Kami. My mom said she always loved the name and that is why she decided to spell it with a K. The ironic thing is she never called me Kami and I hated it so much when people would call me that, that I wouldn't allow it! The only one who ever got away with it was my uncle. He called me Kami-Lou until I was an adult. I think he did it just to get a rise out of me! 

My middle name is my grandma's middle name. While I thought it sounded slightly "Little House on the Prairie" when I was younger, I have always like the fact that my Gram and I shared a middle name. We were really close when I was growing up and it felt like our own secret club.

I have a pretty unique name, but I didn't always like it. People couldn't pronounce it right. I got called Carmen, Candace and Kam-or-on a lot. I would just politely correct them and watch their puzzled face as they tried to say it right the next time.  I don't think I met another girl with my name until I was out of high school, and even then it was spelled with a C. My mom was adamant that people spell my name correctly. She always introduced me as "Kameron with a K".  It was humiliating back then, but I find myself doing it now. People often thought I was a boy by my name. I even got a notice from the U.S. government after I turned 18 saying it was a felony not to register for the draft. I think, just like everything in life, the grass is always greener on the other side. I wished I had a more normal name. I wished I didn't have to pronounce it for everyone or spell it all the time. Having a unique name made me a target for teasing too, but I think kids will always find something to tease about anyway.

It wasn't until I got into high school that I started liking my name. I started appreciating the fact that I wasn't one of 3 Heathers in my class that had to go by Heather followed by their last initial. When someone said my name, there was only one of me. I liked it even more as I got into college. It was a conversation starter. I started to really own it. I think it fits me. I sort of don't like the fact that if you Google my name I am the only one that shows up, but I guess it is cool that there is only one me. 

100 Random Things about me

I'm not conceited enough to think you might be hanging on the edge of your seat to know 100 random facts about me, but it's my blog, so here we go...

1. I am blunt. I tend to say the first thing that comes to my mind without filtering it. I have gotten better over the years, but I still cringe sometimes after something has slipped past my lips that I should have kept as just a thought.
2. I might be addicted to those funny ecards. This one is my favorite.



3. I always pictured myself with 2 kids. 1 boy and 1 girl. I'm so happy it worked out that way.
4. My favorite color is green and has been since I was a kid.
5. My first "letter" in high school was for academics (freshman year) but I was too embarrassed to get a Letterman jacket until I lettered in a sport, which I didn't get until I was a junior.
6. I used to pretend I needed glasses when I was younger and now I am very glad I don't actually need them.
7. I am not a pet person. I suppose I would be a pet person if someone else cleaned up after them. I will resist getting a dog until my family finally gangs up on me and I lose the battle.
8. I wanted to be a doctor from the time I was 5 years old...until I actually worked in an ER when I was 18. After that I changed my major.
9. I had never had stitches in my life until I had a suspicious mole removed. It wasn't cancerous and now I have a huge scar.
10. People always think I am taller than I am. I'm 5' 6 1/2"
11. I have been to countless weddings but last Saturday was the first time I was actually in a wedding.
12. It makes me sad that my kids don't have more cousins.
13. My favorite movie of all time is Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. the original...not the creepy Johnny Depp one.
14. People always assume I am a guy (in print) because of my name.
15. I actually got a notice from the government after I turned 18 because I hadn't registered for the draft. Um, I'm a GIRL!!
16. My hubby chose my daughter's name. We had it picked before I found out Nate was a boy. Once we found out we couldn't decide on boy names and Nate was nameless for 2 days after birth.
17. I have run 2 half marathons and now I'm addicted to running in more!
18. I have a master's degree in Microbiology.
19. I was born in Oregon, grew up in California, moved to Las Vegas where I met my hubby and now live in RI. I never imagined myself an East Coast girl.
20. I hate winter.
21. I love fall, spring and summer.
22. I used to be the pickiest eater of all time, but meeting my hubby helped me expand  my tastes by 5,000% (at least).
23. I do not eat eggs...unless they are hard boiled.
24. I don't have a favorite song, but if I had to chose I would pick "From where I am" by Enya. I played it at my mom's funeral and, while it makes me cry every time, I think it is beautiful.
25. My mom passed away when she was 53. She'd had MS since I was 8. I miss her every day.
26. I have never been to Europe. I can't wait until my kids are old enough so we can all go together.
27. I graduated as salutatorian (2nd in my HS class). I would have been valedictorian, but I got a B in PE....for my attitude.
28. One of my favorite memories was driving to church with my mom singing oldies at the top of our lungs.
29. My best friend in HS taught me how to drive a stick shift in the dirt parking lot of our school. I almost hit a fence because I didn't realize the car didn't have power steering.
30. I worked as a server in 7 restaurants between high school and getting my college degree.
31. The only countries I have traveled to besides the US are Mexico and Canada.
32. I got my first passport when I was pregnant with my son.
33. I used to be a huge tomboy and had to have my friend apply makeup on me for the first time when I was 16.
34. I did a FB post announcing the birth of my daughter while they were still cleaning her off.
35. I almost passed out when my hubby told me she weighed 9 pounds 8 ounces.
36. I had both of my kids with no drugs.
37. My first car was a rag top VW Bug. It was powder blue and I loved it, but it was broken down more than I ever drove it.
38. A tradition in my family is sharing a middle name with your grandma. I carried on the tradition even though my Aunt informed me that my mom hated her middle name.
39. If i was rich I'd get massages and my hair blown out every single week.
40. My favorite accessory is earrings.
41. I am not squeamish at all...except with loose teeth. Ick. I will never be able to pull one of my kids' teeth.
42. I love photography. I keep trying to improve, but I don't have the artistic vision that I wish I did.
43. My right foot is a half a size bigger than my left.
44. I experienced several earthquakes (>6.o) growing up in California.
45. I think they are really cool.
46. I actually slept through a 7.2 earthquake. I only woke up because my mom dragged me out of bed and into the hallway.
47. I am afraid of tornadoes....
48. and drowning.
49. I have never owned an American car.
50. If my nail polish chips, I feel compelled to pick all of it off.
51. I bit my nails until I got married. I stopped for 3 weeks prior to the wedding so i could get a french manicure and i broke the habit.
52. Everything I like gets discontinued. Examples: The chilito from Taco Bell and my favorite underwear from Hanes.
53. I went to a Christian school from K-12th grade.
54. When I graduated I went a little nutso and got 2 tattoos and my tongue pierced. I regret all of that.
55. I think all of the time about getting another tattoo to cover up one of them. I just have no idea what to get.
56. I have never watch the Star Wars movies. I have tried 2 times but fell asleep.
57. My favorite veggie is mushrooms.
58. I never drank coffee until I moved to RI.
59. The irony of that is I only drink iced coffee...even in the dead of winter.
60. I worked at a ski resort when I was 18 and held 3 positions there in 1 winter, lift operator, marketing assistant, and snowboard instructor.
61. I taught Jeff Bridges daughter how to snowboard.
62. I waited on a lot of celebrities when I lived in California.
63. My favorites were Heather Locklear (she was sooooo nice) and the cast of Mystery Men (Ben Stiller and Janine Garofalo).
64. I made Ben Stiller laugh. It made my day.
65. My least favorites were Shannon Daugherty and one of the guys from the band The Offspring. Rude people suck, no matter how famous you are.
66. My good friend kept Dr. Dre's fork after he was done eating.
67. I used to collect Pez dispensers.
68. My mom used to buy me porcelain dolls. They creeped me out but I didn't have the heart to tell her.
69. My mom was my best friend.
70. We used to go to a drive thru Mexican restaurant called Los Robertos and sit in the parking lot and eat taquitos.
71. Most people I have met since I moved here don't know what taquitos are.
72. Los Robertos was the last meal I ate with my mom.
73. I wish I was more fashionable.
74. My husband is only 2 inches taller than me.
75. I have a feeling that our son will be taller than us both.
76. My son and I are like the same person. We butt heads a lot because of it.
77. Luckily my hubby can diffuse us both or we'd all be in trouble.
78. Nate's due date was Flag Day, but he was born a day early.
79. I didn't know when flag day was until I started telling people my due date.
80. I was really surprised that I seemed to be the only one who didn't know when flag day was!
81. My daughter's due date was the day my mother passed away.
82. In true fashion my daughter was 5 days late. My mom was late for EVERYTHING.
83. It makes me obsessively early for things....except my kids tend to undermine that desire.
84. I grind my teeth in my sleep, so much so that I have TMJ.
85. I can replicate almost anything if I watch how it's made.
86. I have made my own candles and soap.
87. I can count my closest friends on 1 hand...and feel very lucky to have each of them.
88. I am a NY Jets fan. My hubby is a Pats fan. It makes for fun Sundays.
89. My hubby is convinced that I broke the Red Sox curse.They won the World Series on my birthday.
90. I love celebrating my birthday and I think I will no matter how old I am.
91. I didn't have a lot of birthday parties growing up so I think I over compensate with my own kids' parties.
92. I don't care and will keep doing it!
93. I am superstitious.
94. My favorite number is 6.
95. I have stared letting some RI lingo slip into my vocabulary. I now say wicked and can pronounce the words Mary, Merry and Marry. When I used to say them, they all sounded like "Mery".
96. I had to practice how to say my hubby's name by repeating "Apple, Aaron" so I could stop calling him "Erin".
97. I taught microbiology lab in grad school.
98. I am too much of a perfectionist to teach. The apathy and laziness would drive me nuts.
99. My last meal on earth would be lobster, onion rings dipped in ranch dressing, coffee dark chocolate chip ice cream, and a mojito.
100. I never thought I could list 100 things about myself and I hope you're not bored to death by now!

Head over to All of Me Now to see the other awesome ladies who linked up with this fun excercise!

Unwanted Superpowers

We all have them; things we are really good at that we'd rather not be. My unwanted superpower is the uncanny ability to know where almost every item in the house is located, within a 3 foot radius.I guess it is somewhat like a photographic memory, but only within the confines of my home. This is good and bad. I rarely lose things unless someone {read my 2 year old} has moved them from the last place I saw saw them. The obvious drawback is the fact that the other 3 people living in this house rely on me to find all of their crap.

For instance, I was on a business trip in Colorado a few years ago when my phone rang at 6am. Even though I had to work, it was the first time I had been away from my son overnight since he'd been born. I was REALLY looking forward to sleeping until at least 7am. When the phone rang that early, I was sure someone was bleeding or my house was on fire.

Me: {Groggy as heck and slightly scared} "Hello."
Hubbs: "Do you know where my sunglasses are?"
Me: "On the credenza. Oh, and if you wake me up again tomorrow to ask where something is, I will kill you."

I kid you not. This kind of thing happens all of the time. Luckily with the girl child starting to act like a future bag lady (more on that later), and repositioning just about everything in the house, others are having to pitch in on the search efforts. What is a talent you have, but wish you didn't possess?

If it wasn't attached....

I really think I might forget my own head if it wasn't securely fastened on. The last 2 weeks have been awful. Here, in no order of importance, are the things I have forgotten in the last 14 days:

• My purse at home
• My work laptop at home
• To feed my kids breakfast before we left for daycare
• My daughter's lunch on the seat of my car 
• That I had a doctor's appointment
• Where I put my keys...twice
• To add events into my phone calendar resulting in a couple of crazy over-scheduled weeks coming up
• To buckle Arielle into her seat after putting her in the car. (Luckily I only got 2 blocks before she reminded me)
• A load of towels in the washer for 2 days (ewwww)
• To put a check in the bank almost resulting in a very unbalanced account!

I'm sure there are other things I have forgotten but I can't remember them right now. I don't know when I have been this bad! I think I need more sleep, to reduce the amount of activities we are all doing and to get myself more organized so I don't leave the house without the stuff we all need for the day! I'm going to start by making a framed dry erase list that I will check off before I leave the house each day. What are your tips to stay organized and keep track of everything going on in your busy lives??

I might be crazy

If you are a good friend of mine or in my family, you would kindly ask me to remove the "might" from that statement. Ok, I kid, mostly. Why am I saying that you ask? It is simple. I plan to run a half marathon.

Wow, I said it. The words are out there and now I must. I love accountability. Without it, I am pretty sure I would be a big lump of lazy...fitness-wise anyway. I have struggled with my weight since 6th grade. That is a long freaking time to feel bad about eating.  I love, love, LOVE food. I think that is the problem. If I am sad, I want a treat to cheer me up. If I am happy, I want a treat to celebrate. Cookies, candy, cakes, pies, ooey gooey meals oozing cheese (oops getting off track here) they all make me happy. I need to have a better relationship with food. I have come to terms with the fact that I may never give up all of the things I find delicious to eat tiny salads and listless broiled chicken breasts every day, but I am trying to make small healthy changes as I go.

This is the reason I must exercise.

This is the reason I am going to run 13.1 miles.

Wow, that's far. I would chicken out, but now you all know, so I can't. I started training on Monday. I am on day 4 and, besides the fact that I am sore, I think it is going pretty well. I will not be getting all crazy and posting my weight on here, but I will be doing updates so I can hold my self publicly accountable. So cheer me on or call me crazy, but it is motivation to me either way!

When "Mind" has no power over "Matter"

"Nobody likes me. Everybody hates me. I think I'll go eat worms."

That, extremely juvenile, statement is how I felt yesterday. It is amazing how the body can mess with the mind, isn't it. I haven't been feeling well. I was on week 3 of a cough and decided to go to the doctor on Thursday. I have bronchitis. Yay. Due to the combination of the coughing, congestion, headaches, inability to exercise and exhaustion from children that wake me up at all hours of the night, I have just been off. Add to all of that hoopla, girlie hormones, and you have the perfect storm of blah.

I got to a point in my day where I sat in my car at the grocery store and cried. I even had the brief thought that maybe I wasn't cut out to be a mom; that I had made the wrong choice. I hate when the self-doubt creeps in. It is maddening that all rational thought can just fly out the window like that! I consider myself a smart person and, under normal conditions, think I am a great parent. We all have our days when we slip and I acknowledge those, but overall, I think I do pretty well. How do we get to that point? How do we go from feeling we have it all together to feeling useless? I hit that point yesterday.

When I began to emerge from my haze in the afternoon, I hugged my children and apologized for how I had acted (which may or may not have included throwing a remote, that my son accidentally hit me with, across the room). I don't know where I am going with this except to ask you what coping mechanisms you use to get yourself out of a funk like that. How do you find the rational thought when you're drowning in your irrationality?

The price of beauty...

I went to the RI Women's Expo with my friend last weekend. First I'd like to say that was slightly irritated and extremely underimpressed with the types of booths there were. Crappy jewelry, chotchies, and other  items of questionable worth were rampant. Is this crap what we, as women, represent? I certainly hope not, but the people there were eating it up! Of course there were a few good booths, Zumba Fitness, some wineries (we all love wine) and a local dairy that delivers (score!).

Like any expo there were plenty of giveaways. I threw my name in the hat for a few of them, you know, the good ones. One was for all new windows for the house, a finished basement, and of course a $1600 "Grand Prize" for a national laser treatment center with local offices. What they hey, everyone needs a little beauty help, right? And free beauty help, well, what could be better than that?

So, I won. Yes, the "Grand Prize". Why do I keep using quotes for that, you ask? Well, I decided I'd bite. $1600 must buy a ton of beauty, right?? I had a consultation and it turns out that $1600 is just a drop in the bucket when it comes to beautifying one's self. There were a bunch of different treatments available. Botox, microderm abrasions, body contouring (whatever the heck that is), etc. Since I am a Microbiologist (by schooling) I am very anti injecting the world's deadliest poison into my face, no matter how safe they claim it to be. Besides, how will I get Nate to listen to me if I can't give him my sternest frowny face??

One treatment did strike my fancy. It's not surgical. It's not a laser treatment that hurts a lot or makes your face red for days. It's a subdermal treatment that supposedly stimulates your own cells to produce more collagen and elastin instead of injecting it into your face. It evens out skin tone, helps small scars and wrinkles (which I have quite a few of) and would help the hyperpigmentation I have from years of sun damage and the burn I got when I was pregnant with Nate. That sounds awesome, right?? So what's the hang up? Oh yeah, it costs $3,500...for 4 treatments. So do the math. $3500 minus my "Grand Prize" and it would still cost me $1900. Not so "Grand" if you ask me. I guess I will have to grow old gracefully if this is the cost of beauty.

Just one of those days

Do you ever have a day that just makes you feel like you suck at life? Yeah, that was yesterday. Nothing huge or terrible happened, but a series of little things just beat down my confidence and put me in a bit of a funk. I forgot to feed Nate breakfast before I dropped him off at school and had to call and ask them to give him part of his lunch to eat in the morning. I was so embarrassed having to call and tell them I forgot to feed my child. Who does that? I won't bore you with the rest of my crappy day but it ended at 11pm with me attempting to finish a nap mat for Nate and accidentally sewing the bias tape to the edge of the whole thing but forgetting to add the blanket. I cursed loudly as I began to rip 5 feet of seam apart and then heard Nate crying. I thought I had woken him up but, it turns out, I had forgotten to put the kid's diaper on before bed and he woke up because he had peed. He was so upset like it was his fault. I comforted him, changed his clothes and bedding, and snuggled him until he fell asleep. I gave up on the day at that point and just went to bed.

Do you ever feel like your tiny failures as a mother add up to epic disappointments? I know I do. I will try to make today a better day. I will try to keep my patience in check when I am feeling beat down. I will try not to be so hard on myself. I will be better. They deserve it.

I'm so tired...

...that I hit the snooze button 3 times before I could even fathom opening one eye this morning.

...that I forgot to eat breakfast before I left the house.

...I had to put on makeup so I didn't look like the mugshot version of me at work.

...I put on white socks but am wearing black shoes.

...that I went to the wrong bank to deposit my hubby's business check and by the time I realized it, I was stuck in the drive thru teller line and had to wait for the person in front of me to finish so I could drive through.

...that when the announcer on the radio said, "The situation in Egypt", I thought he was talking about the loser from Jersey Shore.

...I may fall asleep in all one of my 5 meetings today.

UPDATED to add something I just discovered.....

....I put my underwear on inside out.

Kids who wake up 4 times on Sunday night proceeded by the craptastic day that Monday already is suck. Thankyouverymuch!

Today...

Today holds a whole lot of emotions for me.

It has been 10 years since I lost my Papa Al.

It has also been 9 years since I lost my Mama.

Today was the day they told me would be my daughter's birthday, but in tribute to her grandma  she was 5 days late.

My mom would have been proud. She was perpetually late. In her own words she was, "Always late but worth the wait". She was right.

I came home to a box of my grandmother's belongings that my uncle sent me.

I wept as I looked through its contents. Pictures, the family Bible and my Gram's collection of blown glass Christmas ornaments that I have adored since she got the first one.

I know this song is about a breakup, but truer words have never been spoken about how I feel today.

Alone and consumed by my loss.

Breakeven -The Script
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven, even, no
What am I suppose to do
When the best part of me was always you and
What am I suppose to say
When I'm all choked up and you're okay

I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven, even, no

That's what friends are for

Now that song will be stuck in your head all day. You're welcome.

I know I already bragged about my girlie day and night out last week, but let me just reiterate how awesome it was to have a girls day with one of my best girls. I took a vacay day and drove up to Boston on Friday morning and picked up Darcy and her mom from the convention center and immediately went shopping! Darcy has the most amazing talent...I have never seen someone zip through racks like that. I simply watched in awe as she put together a bunch of outfits for me. I got a ton of stuff for cheap because we were shopping at Buffalo Exchange! I will definitely be going back. Not for a while though. Don't want the hubbs to freak about me doing any more shopping for a while. We did some touristy things like have lunch on Newbury Street, walk around Boston Common and Beacon Hill, which was fun since I have never done an official walk about Boston even though I have lived an hour away for 5 years.

Now don't laugh at the picture of us. My weird expression was due to the sunlight glaring directly into my eyes and the wind blowing my hair and shirt all around. Oh, and doesn't everyone take a picture of their new haircut in the mirror of a restaurant bathroom? Just me? Ok. I'm fine with that.

We went to dinner at the restaurant where my BIL is the Sous-chef and had a 9 course dinner. Well, we signed up for the 6 course Chef's tasting, but somehow they kept bringing us more food. I left there needing to unbutton my pants just to breathe. The food was way out of my normal comfort zone, but I was so proud of myself for trying everything (except the sea urchin which I have tried before and hated) that they brought out! If you've known me as long as Darcy has, you would understand what a great feat this was! We weebled ourselves back to the hotel, had a cocktail while getting ready and then went to the club in the basement of the hotel. Yes, I said a club. I can't even tell you how long it has been since the last time I've been to a club. I am way too old for this hoopla! After seeing some of the happenings in this place, it makes me extremely happy to be a married woman and not having to deal with that hot mess any more. We did have a great time though. We drank a considerable amount and danced until our sides hurt. We went back to our room and talked for another two hours...the way only great friends that have been friends for 17 years can. I'm pretty sure we didn't even end our conversation but rather fell asleep mid sentence.

After coming home Saturday morning and hanging out with the kiddies we were of to see Dane Cook. Oh good lawd, I love that boy. It was awesome and we had amazing seats.

If it weren't for that little thing called Daylight Saving time (and no, there is not supposed to be an s at the end of saving), the weekend would have been perfect. Although, it was kind of cool watching the clock turn from 1:59 am to 1:00am again. Yes, I was up...driving back from Boston! Darcy is back home and I miss her already! Life-long friends are simply awesome.

Random Ramblings

The only time Thursday is better than Friday, is when it IS your Friday! Yay for 3 day weekends! I am actually stoked to be taking a whole vacation day just to myself tomorrow. I get to go to Boston and hang with one of my best friends and couldn't be more excited. I get to get a pedicure and go shopping in Boston with someone wayyyy more fashionable than me to help me find some clothes. She is really like my own little Stacy London! To top it off I get to have a grown up dinner, in a restaurant that doesn't serve chicken nuggets, go out on the town and stay the night before returning to my crazy home. Ahh, can you say sleeping in?? Yes! {Insert Happy Dance} But that's not all...wait for it...wait for it...Saturday night I get to go see Dane Cook! This weekend is shaping up just fabulously! I'm hoping the crappy rain lets up, because I just got my hair done and well, come on!!! For all of you wondering, I chickened out and didn't cut my hair off or even get bangs. I just cut about 4 inches and did some layers. I am no fun at all. Seriously. I need to stop worrying about what everyone else {cough, hubby, cough} wants me to do with my hair and just do what I want. It grows back right?? If you can't cut it or dye it, why have it? I have been working out again consistently for 3 weeks now. It feels so much better and I have a lot more energy. I am doing the c25K (couch to 5K) program. While I wasn't exactly at couch level to start with, it is helping me build my endurance running so I don't get discouraged. I have also been doing Zumba for the last 4 weeks and I love it! It is so much fun! I still have this far fetched goal of getting back into one certain pair of pants. I need to get back into those pants. I will get back into those pants. So let it be written, so let it be done. :o)

Here's the new hair. i still think i should have chopped it to where that first chunky layer is. Grrr....

32 and counting

Today I turn 32. I'm not afraid to say it. What is with people and not wanting others to know how old you are? In honor of being alive for 32 years, I will share 32 random things about myself. Hold your applause until the end.

1. If I had to choose my last meal on Earth, I'd eat lobster and drink sangria until I passed out.
2. I never drank coffee until I moved to Rhode Island 5 years ago. Now I can't live without it.
3. I can never turn my brain off during a massage. I try to think of nothing but it doesn't work.
4. I like mint and love chocolate. I can't stand the combined taste.
5. If I were filthy rich, I would have my hair blown dry twice a week.
6. My favorite color is green and has been since I was 2 years old. Coincidentally it'sNate's favorite color as well.
7. When I was pregnant with Nate I wanted a girl so bad, but knew from the moment I found out I was pregnant that he was a boy.
8. I got kicked off of the volleyball team on my 16th birthday and 2 of the girls that got me kicked off had the nerve to show up at my party.
9. I want so bad to be fashionable, but can't figure it out. I would welcome a "What NOT to Wear" intervention.
10. I regret only 2 things I have done in my life.
11. I love high heels, but I only own 3 pair since I can't stand to be uncomfortable.
12. My first car was a 67 rag top VW bug. Powder blue and pretty. It broke down the day I got it.
13. I've been in 2 car accidents that could have killed me but I didn't get so much as a scratch.
14. I've only had 4 different jobs in my life. I've waited tables, worked at a ski resort, was a graduate teaching assistant and my current job at a biopharmaceutical company.
15. My favorite movie is Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. The original.
16. I am superstitious only when it comes to things involving the number 6.
17. I have hit 6 Royal Flushes in my life.
18. I lived in Las Vegas for 4 years while getting my Master's degree.
19. I lost my mother at 23 years old. I lost half of my heart that day.
20. My oldest friend and I have been friends for 19 years. 
21. I hate socks. I would never wear them if my feet didn't get cold.
22. I love getting any mail that is not bills. A simple card makes my whole week.
23. I have 4 friends that I know, for sure, would bail me out of jail if I needed it. Make that 3, since at least one of them would probably be with me.
24.  At my heaviest I weighed 1 pound less than my final pregnancy weight with Nate. I lost 50 pounds by running.
25. I used to jump rope in the hallway at school when I'd get writers block as I wrote my thesis. I'm so uncoordinated that I had to put all of my focus into keeping going and would forget I was about to pull my hair out.
26. My name has been written in the snow at the peak of a mountain.
27. I always see the clock when it is 10:27 (Duh, my birthday).
28. I always make a wish on 11:11 and honestly believe in it.
29. I have been to Dennis Rodman's house in New Port Beach. (No idea if he still lives there)
30. I get the desire to cut my hair off every time my life gets stressful.
31.  I have always wanted to dye my hair blond, but probably never will.
32. My favorite place to go by myself is the beach, but I can't stand going with the kids. (Hopefully that change as they get older!)

There you have it! 32 bits of Kameron trivia. And now ya know.

Zumba!

It's official. I finally found an exercise that I actually like doing! We have a gym at my work (spoiled, I know) and they offer group fitness classes like yoga, spin, boot camp and now Zumba! I have tried a few of the other classes but hadn't found anything that I really enjoyed. I know you're not supposed to "enjoy" exercise (unless you're Sara), but I have the attention span of a gnat so if I don't like something it is hard for me to stick with it. I saw that they were going to offer Zumba and I have heard so much about it that I was excited to try it out. I admit, I was a little hesitant to try a class that is basically dancing. I am W-H to the I-T-E. My rhythm is suspect and I feel like an idiot when I'm dancing...unless there are copious amounts of alcohol involved. Because it is counterproductive to drink before you workout (and I'm also pretty sure I would get fired) I braved this dancing thing stone sober. It was awesome. I quickly realized that no one was watching me as we were all staring at the instructor just to keep up with the moves. The music is so upbeat and fun and it makes you want to shake that booty...even if my booty kept shaking when I wanted it to stop. I think it is a good start to get me motivated again. I have been in a bit of a funk lately and this is just what I needed to get over myself and get my butt in gear!! If you ever have the opportunity to take a Zumba class, I highly recommend it! What other classes or specific exercises do you enjoy?

Fragments and a Flashback

I've got nothin. Not a full post in me to save my life, so instead I'll throw all of the fragments from this week into one.

Today my sister turns the big 4-0. I'm pretty sure she is going to kill me for posting that on my blog. She is awesome and I miss her dearly as she lives in Oregon with the rest of my family. Hopefully she has checked her e-mail by now or it will be spoiling the surprise to say that I got her a massage for her birthday. She deserves it! Happy birthday sis. I miss you a lot. Bahamas in the spring? Eh? Eh? Sorry, just wanted to plant the seed...again.

Ahhh.. Good times. This picture was taken 5 1/2 years ago. I wish I still looked this good..and this tan! And whatever happened to that tank top?? I loved it.

I think the reason I haven't posted this week is that I've been a little down. My mom's 62nd birthday would have been on Sunday. I did manage to distract myself by going up to Boston to have brunch with Jana, one of the awesome ladies I met at BlogHer. It helped immensely to be in fun company with great conversation and decadent food (mmm....doughnuts), but there is no amount of happy that can fill the hole that was left when I lost my mom. It has been almost 9 years and feels like an eternity. Ok, enough Debbie Downer talk! Sorry

I am looking forward to this weekend. I get a massage on Sunday and may even be able to talk my way out of having to go to the Columbus Day parade. Parades are annoying. I prefer to sit in a comfy seat on my couch to watch them. I did the Rose Parade on year. We even camped on the street the night before. It is better when you are in your pjs at home. Take my word for it.

For good measure, another flash back to this day in history....well, last year at least.

He was funny even then. Love this kid!

Eternal sunshine of the missing mind

I usually like to clear my head on Thursday but I've been a little off since coming back from NYC. Who knew 42 hours away from home could turn my brain into oatmeal?

For instance, yesterday morning after I dropped the kidlets off, I text (text, texted?? anyway) my friend and the following conversation ensued:

Me: Happy Humpday!
Her: Ummmm, it's Thursday silly!!Thank goodness!
Me: Ohhh, even better!

See what I mean? I lost a whole day in there somewhere. Or did I gain a day? It's like daylight savings for the mind. I'll be happy when this day is over and I can go home knowing I don't have to drag myself into work tomorrow. Unfortunately, my house looks like the crap fairy graced me with her presence, so most of tomorrow will be spent cleaning, organizing, purging (my inner hoarder is crying right now) and a long overdue visit with the in-laws. On the bright side, Sunday brings an outing to Boston to see Cirque du Soleil's OVO and some tasty (cheaper) eats courtesy of the start of Boston's Restaurant week! 

Happy Friday!

Lessons Learned

I went to NYC this weekend to attend BlogHer and this is what I learned:

The 3 hours and 45 minutes it takes to drive home at midnight takes waaaayyyyyyy longer than the 4 hours and 45 minutes it takes to drive to NYC on your way to the conference. It is also way less fun. Especially when you have to call the cops on a drunk driver.

I can't sleep in, even when optimal conditions exist (e.g. no kids, dark room, no one else in my bed, up till 1am the night before). This is an annoying fact.

34 hours is no where near enough time to experience NY.

Just because you add the word Her to something, doesn't mean it makes sense.

That being said, substituting that word where it DOES make sense is often hilarious. So is making fun of the terms that don't.

Even though you intend to go to 3 parties in 1 night, you'll only make it to one. And you'll be totally ok with that. 

Attending the sessions was apparently a waste of time, so I feel better about only buying the parties pass.

Every woman is wearing the wrong bra size. Except for me. Because I went here!

One word. SWAG!

The bloggers that think they're a big deal are usually rude, but the ones that really are and don't act like it are the sweetest women you could ever meet.

Um yeah, SHE was sweet as pie!

You can meet a lot of awesome new people if you just open your mouth and your mind.

Me, Liz, Sarah, Becca, LZ, Sarah, Jana, Christine

(LZ, Liz, Me & one Awesome Diva not pictured on above shot since she left to get beautiful-er)

Me and Amy

If you have zero expectations, you can't help but be satisfied.

I am a way smaller fish in a way bigger pond than I even imagined, and I'm ok with it.