It has been 10 years since I lost my Papa Al.
It has also been 9 years since I lost my Mama.
Today was the day they told me would be my daughter's birthday, but in tribute to her grandma she was 5 days late.
My mom would have been proud. She was perpetually late. In her own words she was, "Always late but worth the wait". She was right.
I came home to a box of my grandmother's belongings that my uncle sent me.
I wept as I looked through its contents. Pictures, the family Bible and my Gram's collection of blown glass Christmas ornaments that I have adored since she got the first one.
I know this song is about a breakup, but truer words have never been spoken about how I feel today.
Alone and consumed by my loss.
Breakeven -The Script
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven
Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven, even, no
What am I suppose to do
When the best part of me was always you and
What am I suppose to say
When I'm all choked up and you're okay
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces
They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven, even, no
Aww girl - hoping that you have a peace and lots of moments when you are reminded of sweet memories.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your loss.
I know this is always such a hard time of year for you. And it probably won't get any easier. Ever. But I'm glad you had some sweet items to cherish... not to mention those dimply little babes of yours. : )
ReplyDeleteYes, your Mama would be SO proud... of who you are and what's still to come.
I am so sorry it has been such a hard day for you - I can only imagine! I'm sure receiving that box didn't make it easier, but how lovely to have these treasures. (especially the ornament - I remember you telling me about those!!)
ReplyDeleteI hope you have a wonderful Friday!!
{{Hugs}} Tomorrow is always a new day. And I always find that when I'm going through tough times, songs on the radio truly are speaking just to me....they have a way of doing that.
ReplyDelete{{HUGS}} I know how hard these times can be, can't they? Hold strong, and take the time you need to be alone, cry and be.
ReplyDeleteSending you hugs and prayers, because I can't think of anything else to say.
ReplyDeletei carry your heart with me by E. E. Cummings
ReplyDeletei carry your heart with me
(i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it
(anywhere i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear no fate
(for you are my fate,my sweet)
i want no world
(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart
(i carry it in my heart)
One of my favorite poems by my favorite poet, I hope it touches your heart on this difficult day.
Loves!
Lisa
I'm so sorry for your sorrow. I can see how that song would be fitting for your feelings. Hope you're feeling better today. xo
ReplyDeleteWhat a difficult time for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
ReplyDelete