I'm still here

I've just been laying low. After I vented a bit in my vlog, I started to realize why I was having such a hard time last week keeping my cool. Mother's Day was on the horizon. I know I should have been all thrilled and everything, because I am a mom after all, but it is one of the hardest days for me. Since I lost my mother, my best friend, some days just aren't the same. I want to call my mom on mother's day. I want to send her flowers or give her a picture that Natey has colored. I want to take her out to brunch and go get pedicures. I miss her and it isn't fading with time like I thought it would. The pain is still as raw as the day I lost her.

My Mother's day wasn't the restful day that I thought I wanted either. Up at 7, out of the house by 8. Breakfast with my boys, a stop at one set of in-laws, Lowes to get the rest of the materials for my veggie gardens, built the raised bed frames, dug for worms with Natey, visit to second in-laws, stop at Home Depot since we forgot something at Lowes. Natey down for a nap, 2 1/2 hours of getting the raised beds set up. Showered and off to a cookout at a friend's house.

With every second of the day filled with something, I didn't have the time to wallow in my thoughts of my mom. I guess that's good and bad. I do enjoy the times I spend strolling down memory lane even if they are bitter sweet. I have been thinking a lot about baby number 2 that is growing bigger every day and even that is bitter sweet. My due date is the day my mother died. November 18th. I feel this is her gift to me. A way to take a negative day and turn it into something wonderful. That was who she was. She always smiled, even through her pain. She would want me to do the same.

On that note here is someone who always makes me smile. Disregard the hat. It was not that cold, he just found it in his closet and he looked to cute to argue.