Tuesday, May 12, 2009

I'm still here

I've just been laying low. After I vented a bit in my vlog, I started to realize why I was having such a hard time last week keeping my cool. Mother's Day was on the horizon. I know I should have been all thrilled and everything, because I am a mom after all, but it is one of the hardest days for me. Since I lost my mother, my best friend, some days just aren't the same. I want to call my mom on mother's day. I want to send her flowers or give her a picture that Natey has colored. I want to take her out to brunch and go get pedicures. I miss her and it isn't fading with time like I thought it would. The pain is still as raw as the day I lost her.

My Mother's day wasn't the restful day that I thought I wanted either. Up at 7, out of the house by 8. Breakfast with my boys, a stop at one set of in-laws, Lowes to get the rest of the materials for my veggie gardens, built the raised bed frames, dug for worms with Natey, visit to second in-laws, stop at Home Depot since we forgot something at Lowes. Natey down for a nap, 2 1/2 hours of getting the raised beds set up. Showered and off to a cookout at a friend's house.

With every second of the day filled with something, I didn't have the time to wallow in my thoughts of my mom. I guess that's good and bad. I do enjoy the times I spend strolling down memory lane even if they are bitter sweet. I have been thinking a lot about baby number 2 that is growing bigger every day and even that is bitter sweet. My due date is the day my mother died. November 18th. I feel this is her gift to me. A way to take a negative day and turn it into something wonderful. That was who she was. She always smiled, even through her pain. She would want me to do the same.

On that note here is someone who always makes me smile. Disregard the hat. It was not that cold, he just found it in his closet and he looked to cute to argue.


  1. Sorry things are so bitter sweet right now. I can't imagine how tough mother's day can be for you.

    Cute video of Nate. If I hadn't hidden Tommy's favorite winter hat he would still be wearing it now. He love the thing...worse part is I HATE it!!

  2. That video was just precious. I love the kiss at the end. So cute! He is adorable.

  3. He is so cute and I just love hearing his sweet little voice :o)

  4. I was thinking this time of year might be hard. Have two friends at school who have lost their moms and they were pretty bummed on Friday. But I think you're right about your due date... it's her gift for the new baby... and to you.

    Love the worm video - but I hate it too! Yuck!! I'm SO not a bug person. When Aidan gets into that, I'll be passing him off to Daddy for sure! Love his orange crocs!

  5. smart kid!!! so friggin cute. loved his curls around the edges of his hat!! and i loved his dirtly little boy knees!!

    i was worried about ya! glad you're okay...

    sorry about your mother's day. i know that must be a bittersweet time...

    take it easy...

  6. I wish I could reach my arms into my computer and give you a hug. I know the day will come, but I can't imagine life without my mom.
    I think that you are 100% that your due date is a gift from her.

  7. Oh that was cute! I love when the worm eats Grass and Dirt...Duh mom...;)

    On a heavier note, I am soo sorry for your Mothers Day. I don't know what that feels like, but I am sure that she was giving you HUGE hugs and would be soooooo exstatic for her to be a grandma again! That day must have been really hard for you. Virtual Hugs coming your way....;)

  8. I love that he kissed the camera! Too cute!

  9. Awww, Sweet Natey just made my morning. :o) I'm sorry about the loss of your mother Kameron. I can't imagine how your feeling. She is with you every step of your way. Hugs Sweetie!

  10. As I wrote out my Mother's Day post, I thought of you and the loss of your mom. In some odd way, I felt guilty. Guilt may seem like a strange feeling to have, but my thoughts did lead me to reflect on how very fortunate I am to still have my mom with me knowing that others are hurting. I think no matter how many years have passed, it's completely understandable for you to have bittersweet feelings. (I know that every time I go to a wedding and a dad gets to walk his daughter down the aisle, I cry - not so much because of the wedding, but because my dad didn't get to do that for me).

    As I was watching the video of Natey (which is adorable), T stopped what she was doing, came over to watch the video, and then once it was over she left! And I'm having a hard enough time with her playing with roly-poly bugs...I hope she doesn't discover worms anytime soon!

  11. Oh, he is ADORABLE! And he's talking VERY well!!

    Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeese! Love him. I wanna squish him.


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