Saturday, December 20, 2008

Wishing and hoping

I just love Christmas time with my boy. Since my mom passed away, Christmas has been really hard for me. Some of my favorite childhood memories revolve around special holiday moments with my mom. I knew, after that first Christmas without her (a month after she passed), that Christmas wouldn't be the same until I had children of my own. Now that I have Natey, I feel a renewed sense of Christmas spirit. Seeing things through his eyes makes everything more magical. Even though I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful boy, a good job and a warm home it doesn't stop me from wishing for more.

I wish she was here now.

I wish she could hear her grandson's sweet little voice saying "lu you".

I wish I could send her a Christmas card with my little boy on Santa's lap.

I wish we could bake cookies and fudge together.

I wish we could reminisce about each ornament as we hung them on the tree.

I wish....

Christmas is a time of wishing and hoping. Natey is my hope for the future and my greatest wish come true. I am so thankful for the life I have now, I just wish she could share it with me.


  1. I did a lot of wishing today, too. I was really missing my dad and it's been 9 years since he died. I still fix all his favorite food at Christmas, just like he's going to be here. Peace to you tonight - she is sharing it all with you. And she is very proud of you.

  2. Ok, Kam, I'm sitting in a pool of tears after reading that. I don't know what it's like to lose someone that close, but I know it doesn't really get easier (which is not what you want to hear!). My mom still misses her Mom around her mom's birthday, and she passed away when I was 1. I'm so thankful you have Natey and Aaron and all of your great memories of your mom to keep you going.

    And by the way, that light fixture in your dining room rocks!!!!

  3. Darn it Kameron. I am now crying after reading your post. Just a beautiful post. I can only imagine how hard it is for people that have lost loved ones around the holidays. So glad you have your hope for the future. Natey is just precious.
    Have a blessed Christmas.

  4. You will keep her spirit alive by sharing with Natey all the things you and your mom did together. Your favorite Christmas memories? Simply retell them to Natey each year and incorporate them into the traditions you form together.

    I lost my dad 11 years ago to cancer. He was so young. And I always think how much he would have loved being a grandfather.

    Some of my favorite Christmas memories with my dad where how he would always assemble the manager, but never put baby Jesus in the manager until Christmas Eve. And then he would retell the story of the birth of Jesus to us (he grew up strict Catholic, and as kids we were more casual church goers). And then I always remember on Christmas morning my dad cursing (in a funny way) as he tried to put together all of our toys!

    And for my mom, Christmas each year will now always be very hard for her. Her mom passed away last year on Christmas Day.

    We think about the ones we've lost all the time, but for some reason the holidays are even tougher. She'll always be with you, and by you telling Natey all the great stories about her, you are keeping her spirit alive even more.

  5. Kameron, sorry this time is so hard for you, but I know you are going to create some awesome new memories for your little family now and carry on her wonderful spirit :)

  6. What a touching post Kameron, your mom must have been a wonderful lady. I can only imagine how bittersweet it must feel to celebrate Christmas without her, especially now that you have a little one of your own. I hope you find a little bit more peace and have a beautiful Christmas this year.

  7. Wow! You have really made me feel very lucky and appreciative for my family. I can not imagine what you have gone through and all the lovely things that you wish you could give your mom really makes me want to give my mom a great big hug and give you one too!!!

    So, here is my Cyberspace hug...hope you know it comes from the bottom of my heart!



  8. Sending you much love and prayers.

  9. I was just thinking about your mom today. I only got to meet her one time at the HCS Halloween carnival. I worked with her at the snack bar. She was so funny! She was some sort of hill billy and kept talking in a hilarious southern accent and saying "Cleanliness is next to godliness". I remember thinking you were pretty lucky to have such a hilarious mom.

  10. *Sniff* I'm so sorry. You are doing such a great job!

  11. BIG hugs from SC! You brought me to tears reading this post and I'm so sorry you lost your mother. She is with you and your son each and everyday sweetie!

  12. I am all choked up now, sending big hugs your way--my mom is my best friend and she is 73. I have seen her health decline in recent years and just the thought brings pain to my heart. I hurt for you because I can only imgaine how much it would hurt me. I am praying for you through the next few days and hope that your Christmas will still be full of joy! Natey is adorable!!



What you talkin' bout Willis??